It’s the thought that counts.


At home, it is not uncommon for someone to leave a box of doughnuts in the staffroom at work. I’m assuming that the sentiment is the same here, and that’s why there was a box full of dead squid in the staffroom last week. I love Japan, but I’m sure I could live here for the rest of my life and never be tempted to eat a slimy sea creature that I found dead in a cardboard box on the office floor. I hope they bring cookies next time . . .

The best things on Japanese TV.


I’m serious. Language barriers aside, TV here is awful. Most of my students love Full House (yes, the 20 year old adventures of the Tanner family, dubbed over in Japanese) which should give you an idea of the quality of the programs available. It may also explain why people here think that Michael Jackson is still popular, and that crimped hair tied in a side pony-tail by a paisley scrunchy is attractive. So, for the sake of my remaining sanity, the TV stays off, and its sole purpose is to hold up my toys.

This haro clearly has no idea of the danger it is in.
Then again, haros are stupid.

Kyoto Again

From what I post on here, it looks like I do nothing but go on holidays. I do honestly have a full-time job, but while I enjoy it, it’s not really interesting enough to warrant regular documentation. Also, as the countdown to summer and my return to Canada continues, I’m trying to make the best of my remaining time in Japan. Sadly, my most recent visit to Kyoto was probably the last trip I’ll take until I leave for good in August. On the bright side, I’ll stop hemorrhaging money for the remainder of my stay.

A friend and I went to Kyoto for the weekend, and though we only went for one day, we packed a lot into a single Saturday. On my last trip, I regretted not having the time to see one of the really big, famous temples. I didn’t expect to see it this time either, but we ended up there by accident because it’s at the end of a long touristy street that we were shopping on.


I’ve seen so many temples in the last two years that they’re kind of all starting to look the same. Kiyomizu-dera was exciting because it’s pretty unusual. The place gets its name from the fountains that everyone queues up to drink from. One fountain is for wisdom, one for luck and one for longevity. These are all nice things, but I skipped the fountain partially because of the half-hour wait that the line would require, and also my neurotic obsession with hygiene, which would not permit me to drink water from an unknown source from a communal tin cup which was not washed between the hundreds of people who use it each day. Ewwwwwwwwww.


Whatever, the best part of the temple is the Noh stage anyways. It’s 13 meters high, supported by hundreds of huge wooden pillars. Apparently some superstition got started that anyone who survived jumping from the stage would have their wish granted. A surprising 85% of the documented jumpers in the Edo period survived the fall, but it was later made illegal, most likely due to the clean-up required after the other 15%.


The shopping and sightseeing are really a side note (though a great one) as the real reason for this trip was to indulge in the mother-of-all-ridiculous-tourist-activities, the Geisha/Maiko makeover. We opted to be Maiko rather than Geisha because the kimonos were flashier and you got more dangly hair accessories. I was a bit worried when the process began. With all of our hair tied back and the white makeup applied, we looked more like transvestite-vampires than anything else, but the kimonos and wigs completed the transformation. After having photos taken in the studio, we hit the streets of Gion for a little stroll. It was nice to be able to take pictures with our own cameras doing anything we wanted, and we ended up taking a surprising number of pictures with groups of students on school trips. The outfits attracted a lot of attention, but the biggest laugh was that people didn’t realize that we were foreign until they got close up, and then that thoroughly confused them.

It was tons of fun, but not terribly comfortable. I don’t know how real Maiko and Geisha do it (and yes there are still plenty of real ones in Kyoto). The kimono weighed a ton, the obi was so tight and stiff it was more like a girdle, it was hard to move and it left bruises, and the 4-inch thick soles on the shoes made walking pretty dangerous. I’m really glad I did it, but I think I’ll keep my day-job.

I climbed Mt. Fuji . . . in a bus.

Or so I’m told. The fog was so think that I couldn’t see the mountain at all, so the tour guide really could have taken us anywhere and we wouldn’t have known any better. I have decided to believe him though, because
(a) He seemed very nice
(b) It was 25 degrees in Tokyo, and we went somewhere high enough to have several feet of snow.

Here's the plywood proof.

The bus took us up to Mt. Fuji’s 5th station, which is as high up the mountain as you can go in a vehicle. To go any further involves hiking, which can only be done in July and August because the snow briefly melts and the expedition gets a lot less dangerous. We went up, took pictures of the shrine, shops, snow and fog, then piled back in the bus and came down again. After lunch and several hours of crap-weather and Golden Week induced traffic jams, we made it to Lake Ashi, one of Fuji’s five lakes, for our scenic boat cruise.

The view of Lake Ashi from the pier.


The view of Mt. Fuji from the boat on Lake Ashi.
C’mon. Use your imagination.

For some reason, the scenic cable car ride was cancelled (thank god), so they took us to an aquarium instead. That was nice. I do enjoy penguins.

I’ll admit it, I was pretty disappointed and annoyed. Possibly even more so when I got up the next morning in the brilliant sunshine. This did at least make for good picture taking conditions when I spotted Mt. Fuji from the bloody train on the way home.

It was actually becoming a running joke that I’ve been to Tokyo so many times and never once seen Fuji from the Shinkansen. If it was ever going to appear, this was definitely the right moment to do so. That, (plus the blocks of cheese that I dragged a freezer bag all the way to Tokyo to procure) definitely made the hellishly expensive one-day-trip and 17 hours of train travel worthwhile.

R’s and L’s


I have to explain this to English speakers a lot. In Japan, there is no difference between R and L. They are a sort of hybrid sound, and my students can’t hear the difference between “light” and “right” no matter how many times they hear it. I’ve adapted for the most part, and can usually tell what people mean even when it’s not what they said, like the kids who have lice for breakfast and pray the frute in the blassband. Sometimes it’s hard to fake comprehension, like when I’m not sure if I was asked to collect or correct the papers, but usually my confusion is minor and I’m not too troubled. Usually. “Troubled” barely starts to cover my mental state during a recent conversation with an elementary school teacher.

Teacher: Kalen-sensei, you like erection?
Me: Um, what?
Teacher: You watch erection on TV?
Me: Um, what?
Teacher: I watch Amelican erection on TV. I like Hirary Crinton.

Oh my God. The teacher miraculously remained unaware of my confusion, panic, and relief, and we went on to have a nice little chat about politics. At least I’ll be prepared for that one in the future. Just incase it pops up. ;)

Exploring other career options in Japan


If you blinked and missed the cherry blossoms, the next seasonal clue to look for in Japan is fields full of water. April and May are rice-planting months, and while this is mostly done by machines these days, I live in the real, hardcore country where it’s clearly more fun to watch people wade around in the mud and do it by hand. If you have a Taue festival at the same time, you can get people to do your farm work for free. Er, I mean invite people to celebrate with you. In your field. While they plant rice.

It was actually a lot of fun. The mud was really cold and I was on the lookout for the little black poisonous snakes that lurk in rice paddies, but I still had a good time. I went to the same festival last year, so I knew what to expect this time around. A team of old ladies jump, strip and redress you in a fashionable burlap kimono and sexy straw hat, then march you out to the field. Since it’s Japan, there was at least half an hour of speeches and a ceremony at the beginning, including shaking hands with the mayor, offering the field a bottle of sake, and watching two guys dressed as an ox be pulled around in the mud to symbolically plow the field. Then it was down to business.














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Everyone walks backwards though the mud, planting row after row of rice. When we got partway across, the costumed drummers who had been playing at the side of the field got into the mud behind us and continued to drum and sing. I’m sure we’d have been done faster if they had planted rice instead, but I digress.

It’s backbreaking work, but I’ve never had this much fun playing in the mud.

The Kyoto Protocol in Action


Environmentalism my arse. If Japan is so serious about saving the environment, people should stop sending me so many faxes. Especially since this chemical-laden paper will be burned, not recycled.